Bronx Bummer


With $203 million, Yanks can’t cash in

George Steinbrenner paid out a major-league record amount to get the New York Yankees their first World Series title since 2000. Instead of another ring, he wound up with underachieving Bronx Bums, pinstriped pariahs who flopped for the fifth straight season.

“We don’t play to just make it to the playoffs; we’ve been to the playoffs before,” captain Derek Jeter said after the Yankees were eliminated by the Angels Monday night.

Some of Steinbrenner’s biggest boppers vanished in the autumn wind, with Alex Rodriguez getting no RBI in the playoffs.  A-Rod may be greeted by cries of “D-O-G!”

Rodriguez said it himself, “I played great baseball all year, and I played like a dog the last 5 days,” he barked.. “This is as low as it gets.”

Change is a-coming.

Yankees Suffer Their Worst Loss Ever


Cleveland 22, New York 0
August 31, 2004


In front of a sell-out crowd at home, the New York Yankees were bludgeoned by the Cleveland Indians, taking the worst beating in the history of the American League.  The Indians, just 66-66 as the game began, pounded out 22 hits, including five doubles, a triple, and four home runs. 

The Tribe batted .449 for the game, toying with the team with the American League's best record.  Cleveland jumped on Javier Vazquez for three runs in the 1st inning and was relentless the rest of the night.  The onslaught included three 3-run innings, and the Indians scored 6 runs twice.  Shortstop Omar Vizquel had a record-tying 6 hits in his first 6 at-bats.

Former Yankee farmhand Jake Westbrook allowed only four runners into scoring position.  In seven innings he held the Yankees to 5 hits.  Tribe rookie Jeremy Guthrie, recently called up from AA Akron, held the Yankees scoreless in two innings of hitless major league debut work.

Courtesy  of Wickman's Warriors member Jeff Catanese:

A Cleveland Indians fan, an Atlanta Braves fan and a NY Yankee fan were in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze.  All of the sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, the day their trial was finished was a Saudi nation
al holiday, and the extremely benevolent Sheik decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said, "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Braves fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my  back."  This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Braves fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.
The Yankee fan was next up (he almost finished an entire fifth by himself), and after watching the scene, said "All Right! Please put two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Yankee fan out crying like a little girl.
The Indians fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said, "You  support the greatest baseball team in the world.  You supporters are the best and most loyal baseball fans in all the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thanks, your most Royal Highness," the Indians fan replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes, for my offense has insulted your people."
Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish?  What is it to be?" asked the Sheik.
"Tie the Yankee fan to my back."

Yankees’ big-money pitchers flop as Angels take Division Series

October 5, 2002

Instead of advancing to the ALCS for the 5th straight season, New York was handed their earliest exit from the playoffs since the Indians took them out in the first round in 1997.

The portly David Wells, well loved here in Cleveland, fared no better than Roger Clemens, Andy Petitte or Mike Mussina in getting chased in embarrassing fashion as Anaheim eliminated the Yankees with a 9-5 win on Saturday that gave the Angels a 3-1 victory in the AL Division Series.

A Yankees staff that compiled a 3.87 ERA during the regular season (4th best in the AL) gave up 31 runs and 56 hits to the Angels and had an 8.21 ERA- the worst in the Yankees 57 postseason series. New York ’s four starters allowed 20 runs and 32 hits- including 5 home runs- in 17&1/3 innings for a 10.38 ERA.

 George Steinbrenner had no comment on Wells’ disastrous fifth inning collapse at the hands of the Angels today. The Boss, who signed the biggest free agent on the market, Jason Giambi, had personally wined and dined Dudley Wells to lure him back to New York to win games just like this.

Don’t ya just hate when that happens?… 


Roger the Dodger

 Tough guy Roger Clemens, batting on June 15th at Shea Stadium for the first time since hitting Mike Piazza in the head during the 2000 World Series, had to watch a Shawn Estes fastball whiz past his hind end in his first at bat that day in the third inning. Even though Roger Boy also threw part of a broken bat at Piazza later that same series, the Mets (how could you miss) didn’t plunk him.

 Piazza and Estes hurt him anyway in fine fashion by homering off him in an 8-0 win.

                                That’s…a shame.



RIGHT:  Bawl O'Squeal reacts to a Charlie Nagy called 3rd strike on June 3, 2001 (Wickman saved that game, too --#12).

Never able to recover from the humiliation of being Nagy's only strikeout victim, Miss O'Neill retired from baseball amid disgrace after Arizona eliminated the Yankees in the 2001 World Series.  

That's a shame.




A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a New York Yankees fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Yankees fans too. Not really knowing what a Yankees fan is,  but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.

There is, however, one exception. A little boy named Mike has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks him why he has decided to be different.

"Because I’m not a Yankees fan," he retorts.

"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"

"I’m a proud Cleveland Indians fan!" Boasts the little boy."

The teacher becomes a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mike why he is an Indians fan.

"Well, my dad and mom are Indians fans, so I’m an Indians fan too!" He responds.

Now the teacher is angry. "That’s no reason," she says loudly.

"What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot? What would you be then?"

Mike smirks at her and says, "Then I’d be a Yankees fan!"   -- Unanimous

One Blimp Captures Another